Thursday, December 18, 2014

To my kids when they are teenagers:

I'm not sure if this is more for you or me but here are some things that I thought were worth remembering.

Dear Melia
   Recently you and I have had many discussions about school drama and friends and you have been honest and personal about what happened and what it made you feel and about what you felt were good choices and bad. I have been given the opportunity to counsel with you and share my thoughts in a way you appreciated and maybe even benefitted from. I hope we continue this! I would love to be able to help you in situations I have already been through so you don't feel overwhelmed as you deal with so many new experiences at one time! If you choose to accept my counsel and counsel from others who have been where you are you will be able to skip a great deal of pain and frustration as you decide who you will become. You have also recently had quite a few experiences when after a great battle with me where you were sure you were right - it turned out you were wrong and you came to an understanding that because i had more experience and information on the subject that yes I was right - even when before you were confident that you were. Lets keep this in mind in future conversations that yes - sometimes mommy is right!!

Dear Kyan
   Recently I greatly disappointed you. You had an activity you wanted to attend - floor hockey with the Brooks Bandits - and because I didn't really want to go I didn't write it down and therefore forgot about it. You do not ask for much and I should have made it a priority. When you brought me the paper again and asked how much longer it was until this exciting activity the date had long past. I will never forget the disappointment on your face. I had failed you and not kept my commitment to you when I had said we could attend. I said soon we would have an opportunity to play hockey on ice! Then came the part I admired even more and broke my heart all over again. You simply said you had really wanted to go see the Bandits and when I apologized again you said it was okay and went to your room. When I heard your acceptance - no whining or recriminations - and then moments later your crying in your room I ran to comfort you and see how I could make amends. I asked if you wanted to go see a game and you said they didn't play very often. I ran to get my computer to find the next game! That friday was a home game! Then you asked how people could get tickets? I said you could just buy them at the door and you were worried again. You asked me if we had enough money to buy tickets. The $20 would not have broken the bank at any time but at that moment I would have re-mortgaged my house to get you a ticket to this game! You went with daddy and had a wonderful time and forgave your heartbroken mom out of hand. Please continue to forgive me when I drop the ball! It will happen again I'm sure but I will try very hard to keep my commitments to you now and forever!

Dear Talia
    Today we had an epic battle. Just over a year ago you told me your ear hurt but it was our Easter egg hunt so you quickly sucked it up and enjoyed every second of your day with your cousins and grandparents. That night you screamed and cried in your sleep and could not be consoled but would not take any medicine to help with the pain - to tired and stubborn! The next day you had dried blood in your ear because your ear drum had burst overnight. (Melia did something similar to me at your age - no notice, horrendous ear infection!) The doctor in the ER looked at me like I tortured you and had let you suffer like this for weeks instead of one day. Sigh. So when you told me yesterday and again today that your ear hurt I sped my way in to see our doctor and a sweet nurse fit me in when there was no extra time to begin with. The doctor checked your ear, gave me a prescription and I filled it congratulating myself on doing a better job this time! Then followed our 1 hour and 45 min showdown on taking your medicine. You didn't like the taste and therefore didn't want to drink it. Nothing I said, cajoled, bribed, or threatened had any effect on your willingness to let me put it in your mouth without you gagging it back up. I didn't threaten your Christmas presents but it came close. Even your blankie being taken away would not sway you! You cried most of the time and were so exhausted and hungry by the time it was over I thought you would fall asleep on your feet. This is rare for us! We don't battle like this! Yes you are strong willed like the other two rascals but in general we deal very well together! I understand you and we have each other well trained. There is very little I have to force on you since you can generally be counselled to make good choices for your health and safety. I did not relent because I was trying to prevent you going through serious pain unnecessarily!! Please keep this in mind for future battles because I expect we will have more in time: I really am trying to help you and keep you safe!!

Hopefully as we grow together we will all learn how love each other better and continue to be a strong family that loves each other and lifts each other up. Thats my plan!